I think it looks worlds better for the hip turn. It's hard to believe your handicap is that high!
I've got an additional drill to get you in the right positions throughout the takeaway and into the transition and hopefully tweak your outside in downswing. You will need an alignment stick or a broken shaft, something that will stick in the ground easily.
1. If you have 2 sticks, create a target line with the first one on the ground (the target stick). If you only have one stick, use a 4 or 5 iron for the target line.
2. The second stick (the plane stick) will be stuck in the ground on the shaft angle of the club you are swinging 6 inches back from the end of the first stick. You can set the club squarely on the ground next to this one to get the angle right. In the above photos, the left side is too flat, the right side looks more like the shaft angle.
3. When she takes the club back, the hosel of the club will be just past the plane stick.
4. Place a tee in the ground where your ball position will be, nearly buried in the ground. You will need to move your feet forward or back on the target stick to get the tee in the correct spot to meet the #3 condition. The tee is only for a setup reference, don't try to hit it.
ok, so hopefully you have a similar setup of sticks as the gal in the shot above, now what to do?
There are a couple of things you want to start off with here
1. On the takeaway - The one difference I want you to employ versus pictures above is that the head of your club should be riding the plane nearly up to parallel. Picture left she is too low, picture right she is too high. I'd like to see you with the shaft riding an inch over that plane stick all the way up to parallel.
2. Quiet your takeaway.
Lock your entire upper body and only rotate your shoulders/hips. When you do this you may need to adjust to get the shaft to ride the plane stick, only adjust your spine angle to get the club to ride the plane stick
. If done properly, your upper body will be rotating around your spine. The "Y" formed at address by your arms and the club should not break at all until just before the clubhead passes the plane stick. Like a pendulum you can go back and through with this short move a couple of thousand times, over and over until you take your wrists and elbows out of the first few feet of your swing. The key is to feel like you are rotating around your spine.
3. OK, now to the hinge and upward movement.
Only curl your right arm, elbow tucked into your side - keep that left arm straight and no lifting! Instead of lifting your hands with left arm, let your shoulder rotation and the curl of your right arm lift your hands into position. This always felt to me like my right arm was pulling my left arm across my chest.
4. Your now straight left arm a 90 degree wrist cock and your shoulder line should form a nice box on plane. This may feel like a restricted turn, but trust me it's not! You are now turning with the core muscles instead of hands, arms, wrists.
5. Start hitting the ball from the inside.
On the downswing this is where you are going to feel a great deal of difference. You need to come down inside of the plane stick. I don't recommend doing this at speed for some time until you are comfortable with the path. Hitting that plane stick at speed usually isn't good!
This is going to feel really strange, and very much inside where you are used to. I hope you will accept that it's putting your upper body and the club in a proper neutral position and give it a shot.
I've figured your swing at this point with my suggestions above probably most resembles Charl Schwartzel. Watch this one about a million times, just perfect!